Productive Tension

Sometimes in life we’re faced with situations that cause discomfort, sometimes even pain. There are many ways of facing these and without knowing the context I can’t pretend to know what the appropriate response might be.
I can tell you that what I’ve noticed of myself and others is that we tend to flee from discomfort. I’m not sure if it’s our pleasure-seeking nature or an evolutionary flight or fight response but the result is often the same – we ignore, avoid, distance ourselves from some of the tougher stuff we encounter. The upside of doing so is huge and obvious, if not only temporary.
The downside, however, is often equally huge albeit less obvious.
What happens when we avoid those things that make us uncomfortable or cause us pain? As with anything we avoid, I believe it sits in the emotional bank collecting interest and growing at a rate that far exceeds what we’d get at a real bank, leaving us with a much bigger issue to contend with.
And maybe that’s okay. Maybe we’ll be better equipped to tackle the issue later – regardless of how big it’s gotten?
And maybe that’s not okay. Maybe the issue will continue to grow into such a monster that we’re never in a good place to confront it?
If you are ready to deal with the tough stuff here’s what you’ll get: coping skills, a more clear picture of who you are and the ability to deal with even tougher issues in the future. All of which are much harder to get if you keep avoiding.
I think about these tough or painful times in life as moments of productive tension. I might not want to deal with them, I might not feel ready or equipped to deal with them, I might not deal with them well and they might cause me incredible discomfort or even pain but what I gain from tackling them is immeasurable.
Because of this I try to think more clearly about what I’m avoiding and why. I also try to avoid less. I’m getting better at it, although far from perfect. As I allow myself to have these moments of productive tension I’ve noticed a few interesting byproducts. I ultimately find better ways of navigating difficult situations, which means that I find fewer situations difficult in the first place. And I run into some resistance amongst my peer group when I do attempt to experience the tougher moments rather than avoiding them. I suppose the same instincts that cause us to avoid difficult issues get transferred to others when we see them uncomfortable or in pain.
Although I understand why this happens I’m hoping to change the game a little. I’m hoping to allow myself the richness that comes with going through these moments of tension and I’m hoping to do a better job of encouraging others when they too choose to face their own difficult moments. Hopefully they, in turn, will learn to accept my need to experience and tackle both the good and the bad that come my way.
As with anything, it’s about finding what works for you while at the same time making sure you’re pushing yourself just a little further than you’re comfortable with. In doing so, you can turn that tension into productive and important moments of learning and growth.
Good luck!
Scott